This is my first blog post ever. So I hope that it’s interesting to read. However, the main purpose of me writing this blog is not really to entertain or inform anybody else. It’s basically a place for me to explore what is going on in my mind, by getting it out into the open in safety.
When I’m in safety, I mean that nobody I know is going to read this, or know it’s me, so I can speak candidly about the problems I’m facing.
On the surface of it I have a really good life. I have a nice house, nice husband, and nice children, but underneath that I’m really unhappy. I’m struggling a bit with emotional issues. Particularly with self image, around my body.
This is particularly manifesting itself in trying to control my diet and going a bit overboard with exercise and fitness routines.
When it comes to personal fitness, I’m expecting too much of myself, when I am also a busy mum. And when it comes to diet, I am restricting myself to much, and then eating too much and ending up in a vicious cycle.
My husband doesn’t really know much about this. He just knows that I’m thin and attractive to him, but what he doesn’t know is that under the surface I’m screaming a bit. So I’m online to research, learn, get some perspective and see how I can sort this out a bit. I think probably the first thing I need to do is talk to my husband and come clean with him a bit about the emotional issues I’m facing, before they escalate.
I’ve had problems all my life really with emotional eating and dieting, and doing too much exercise, and then not exercising and hating myself for not keeping up with the routine I set. So it’s nothing new, but I’m beginning to feel that at 37 I need to sort myself out before I head into middle age in trauma.
So that was a cheery introduction to my blog wasn’t it. Hopefully I’ll be able to share some insight about the issues I’m facing, which might help other people in the same position as me, especially with self-esteem issues around busy lives and trying to control everything in them.