Today has been a funny day and I am feeling in a bit of a weird place emotionally. I think I’m having lots of negative thoughts at the moment and they are starting to affect my judgement in several key ways.
So this blog post is really for me. I want to write it to get things out in the open so that I can read them back and maybe make sense of how unfeeling, so I apologise in advance if this is not useful to anyone or that they don’t really understand what I’m talking about, but this is therapeutic for me.
I think the stress of my birthday party and my current body issues are starting to really get to me.
Although I have now implemented a proper diet and exercise routine into my life, I still feel that I am not dealing with the underlying emotional issues that I have.
It’s alright going to the gym and doing balanced exercise but if you are not looking after yourself emotionally then you are storing up mental health issues that you are ignoring because you feel good in one way. I’m really concerned that although I’m buzzing from going to the gym and feeling that I am making progress, the mental side of things is slowly being chipped away at and getting me down.
It’s the same with having a good diet plan, I’m focusing on it but I’m not sure on dealing with the underlying reasons for why I’m trying to achieve it. I’m not sure that my reasons for it all are honourable, and I feel I’m just playing into the hands of my insecurities.
The birthday party has come slightly more stressful because of the outfit I want to wear, and I’m going to the gym and working out a bit more because I’m getting a little upset about it. I suppose I should be focusing on the positives of my birthday party and look at the bigger picture, which is that it should be a really great night and I will see lots of friends and family I haven’t seen for ages and I’m sure it will be fantastic nights where everyone has a great time. But unfortunately at the moment the negatives are starting to overwhelm me.