Going through some testing times but looking forward to happy times

I know that it’s not right to be jealous and it doesn’t make anybody look particularly good when they are. I have to admit that in the past week I have been very jealous and it’s been incredibly frustrating to me.

For most my life I felt that I am the friend who is just there, just used a bit and I’m getting bit fed up with it.

A couple of people who I really value my life pulled out of coming to my party at short notice. This is really upsetting me because I really value them and want them to be there to have a good time with me. But they are not and the excuses they have giving don’t seem to be good enough to me.

Perhaps I’m overthinking this, and perhaps my low mood at the moment is contributing to me overreacting?

It’s kind of two steps forward, one step back at the moment. I went out for my meal the other night I had a really good chat with my partner. He was very supportive and understood where I was coming from in terms of my issues with diet, weight and exercise.

I’m now on a proper weight loss program and this is being backed up by an exercise program at the gym. I’m doing really well, but it’s my mental health and strength which are concerning me. This party issue is another example of how I think I’m getting anxious in ways I really shouldn’t.

So I think at the moment I’m going through some testing times, but I think I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am getting calmer and better with my diet and exercise. I’m also really looking forward to my party and now that my partner is on board with how I’m feeling, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

But at the other end of the scale, me my partner are under a bit of pressure financially right now, and so with the party costs and other things mounting up I am a little anxious about that as well. I don’t like the thought that it could put extra strain on our relationship, and me owning up to my issues with diet and weight mean that perhaps I’m putting even more strain on a situation that is already strained.

I hope that I’m not being burned the relationship and I’m hoping we can get things sorted out in the near future. Anyway, time to stop writing for today as I have plenty of things to do before I go to bed.

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