Going through some testing times but looking forward to happy times

I know that it’s not right to be jealous and it doesn’t make anybody look particularly good when they are. I have to admit that in the past week I have been very jealous and it’s been incredibly frustrating to me.

For most my life I felt that I am the friend who is just there, just used a bit and I’m getting bit fed up with it.

A couple of people who I really value my life pulled out of coming to my party at short notice. This is really upsetting me because I really value them and want them to be there to have a good time with me. But they are not and the excuses they have giving don’t seem to be good enough to me.

Perhaps I’m overthinking this, and perhaps my low mood at the moment is contributing to me overreacting?

It’s kind of two steps forward, one step back at the moment. I went out for my meal the other night I had a really good chat with my partner. He was very supportive and understood where I was coming from in terms of my issues with diet, weight and exercise.

I’m now on a proper weight loss program and this is being backed up by an exercise program at the gym. I’m doing really well, but it’s my mental health and strength which are concerning me. This party issue is another example of how I think I’m getting anxious in ways I really shouldn’t.

So I think at the moment I’m going through some testing times, but I think I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. I am getting calmer and better with my diet and exercise. I’m also really looking forward to my party and now that my partner is on board with how I’m feeling, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

But at the other end of the scale, me my partner are under a bit of pressure financially right now, and so with the party costs and other things mounting up I am a little anxious about that as well. I don’t like the thought that it could put extra strain on our relationship, and me owning up to my issues with diet and weight mean that perhaps I’m putting even more strain on a situation that is already strained.

I hope that I’m not being burned the relationship and I’m hoping we can get things sorted out in the near future. Anyway, time to stop writing for today as I have plenty of things to do before I go to bed.

I’m hoping that my diet and exercise issues don’t overwhelm my party enjoyment

Sorry but it’s another candid blog post from me rather than anything particularly interesting to anyone else to read. I’m really starting to realise that I’m using this blog as an outlet for myself and it doesn’t really matter if anybody else in the whole world reads it at all if I’m honest.

If anyone is reading this then I apologise for the nature of what I’m writing, but I hope you understand that blogging is not all about engaging with other people, it’s also about getting your inner thoughts out into the open so you can explore them better.

I’m really excited about my party and I want people to come along and have a really good time. I managed to get hold of extra stuff people to use for taking photos and I am really looking forward to it. On the other side of the coin I am very concerned about my attitude to food, diet and exercise at the moment.

I’m off out for a meal with my partner tonight. We have not done this for a long time and as we have both been working very long hours it’s going to be really nice to do. But I’m already anxious about the fact that I’m going to be eating a three course meal with him. This has been a real wake-up call for me, and I’m anxious about going out for food my partner because of the volume I might eat in front of him. I think it might be time for me to tell him exactly how I’m feeling, what I’m going through.

So it’s not really a very positive blog post from me here, and it’s not really for anyone else to read. My concerns about ruining a good diet, ruining the hard work I’m doing in my fitness plan and putting more stress on me than is already there, is very concerning.

I think I might have to make an appointment with the doctor to tell him about my concerns. I think I might also have to tell the people at the gym that I am having these issues, because I think they might need to keep an eye me in case I start over exercise and show any warning signs to them.

Today I’m feeling a bit upset and lonely

Today has been a funny day and I am feeling in a bit of a weird place emotionally. I think I’m having lots of negative thoughts at the moment and they are starting to affect my judgement in several key ways.

So this blog post is really for me. I want to write it to get things out in the open so that I can read them back and maybe make sense of how unfeeling, so I apologise in advance if this is not useful to anyone or that they don’t really understand what I’m talking about, but this is therapeutic for me.

I think the stress of my birthday party and my current body issues are starting to really get to me.

Although I have now implemented a proper diet and exercise routine into my life, I still feel that I am not dealing with the underlying emotional issues that I have.

It’s alright going to the gym and doing balanced exercise but if you are not looking after yourself emotionally then you are storing up mental health issues that you are ignoring because you feel good in one way. I’m really concerned that although I’m buzzing from going to the gym and feeling that I am making progress, the mental side of things is slowly being chipped away at and getting me down.

It’s the same with having a good diet plan, I’m focusing on it but I’m not sure on dealing with the underlying reasons for why I’m trying to achieve it. I’m not sure that my reasons for it all are honourable, and I feel I’m just playing into the hands of my insecurities.

The birthday party has come slightly more stressful because of the outfit I want to wear, and I’m going to the gym and working out a bit more because I’m getting a little upset about it. I suppose I should be focusing on the positives of my birthday party and look at the bigger picture, which is that it should be a really great night and I will see lots of friends and family I haven’t seen for ages and I’m sure it will be fantastic nights where everyone has a great time. But unfortunately at the moment the negatives are starting to overwhelm me.

It’s just three weeks to my birthday and I’m having a party

Its my birthday in three weeks and a while back I decided I want to throw a proper party for my family and friends, as I haven’t done that for quite a few years.

So I’ve really gone to town by hiring a good venue, getting a DJ and good catering and invited just about everyone I know, so it could be around 100 people there. Even my stepdad is going to be there.

Is going to be fancy dress as well, so I’m hoping everyone will make the effort to make it into a real carnival of fun. I’ve hired a photo booth, so that I can get lots of photos and get them uploaded quickly so that everyone can share in the memories what I will hope will be a great occasion.

I suppose one concern I have is that I’m still feeling low about my body image. This is make me worry about the outfit I want to wear, as it’s quite tight and revealing.

Because my problems round diet, fitness and exercise are escalating, I am starting to worry that my fear of food and other things could ruin the occasion for me. I really want to focus on just having food drink and fun without constantly worrying about whether it is going to affect my weight. I suppose it shows the scale of the diet issues I have and facing an.

I suppose I have to be positive as well, by saying that I am starting to go to the gym regularly, I’m getting fitter and my diet is improving, but I do feel in a way that I’m putting off improving my mental health the same time, and I feel I might be heading for a fall very soon. So is essential that I focus on reading diet and exercise tips and trying to take on board positive messages about good fitness practices.

But I’m going to try and be positive, and I’m really looking forward to party. My parents are getting on a bit and I feel that every occasion I have with them now is one to enjoy, and they are both coming and dressing up as well, and both looking forward to it. There will be lots of children there as well, in the early evening, so we are having some children’s entertainment as well so that people can relax all the way through.

This is my time to build a realistic mindset to diet, exercise and fitness

I have been thinking long and hard over the past few weeks about how my overall attitudes to diet exercise and fitness is good, but how I let myself down with my negative inner thoughts and attitudes at times, which is destroying my progress.

Generally I’m really good and I exercise two or three times a week, I watch what I eat and generally my portion control is good. But, when I get down I overeat, and when I feel I have failed with sticking to good diet or exercise routines, I tend to think that I’ve failed so I might as well give up. This makes me eat more and it becomes what I think is a vicious circle that I am increasingly trapped in.

I’ve been doing some search online, and found some good information on several sites, including www.podaimaperformance.com where lot is discussed about achieving realistic and healthy levels of exercise, mixed with a good balanced diet. It’s not just about every pound you want to lose, it’s about how you lose them and your attitudes towards losing them that is just as important, and if you have a bad mindset about yourself, and are negative in your thought processes, then you’re going to struggle even more.

So it’s a mix of having a dedicated weight loss program to yourself, a proper exercise routine, both of these things being achievable, and working on your own mental strength. I think my mental strength is very poor at the minute I need to work on that before I put the extra pressure on myself of implementing any sort of health regime.

I’m going to tell you a little bit about me

This is my first blog post ever. So I hope that it’s interesting to read. However, the main purpose of me writing this blog is not really to entertain or inform anybody else. It’s basically a place for me to explore what is going on in my mind, by getting it out into the open in safety.

When I’m in safety, I mean that nobody I know is going to read this, or know it’s me, so I can speak candidly about the problems I’m facing.

On the surface of it I have a really good life. I have a nice house, nice husband, and nice children, but underneath that I’m really unhappy. I’m struggling a bit with emotional issues. Particularly with self image, around my body.

This is particularly manifesting itself in trying to control my diet and going a bit overboard with exercise and fitness routines.

When it comes to personal fitness, I’m expecting too much of myself, when I am also a busy mum. And when it comes to diet, I am restricting myself to much, and then eating too much and ending up in a vicious cycle.

My husband doesn’t really know much about this. He just knows that I’m thin and attractive to him, but what he doesn’t know is that under the surface I’m screaming a bit. So I’m online to research, learn, get some perspective and see how I can sort this out a bit. I think probably the first thing I need to do is talk to my husband and come clean with him a bit about the emotional issues I’m facing, before they escalate.

I’ve had problems all my life really with emotional eating and dieting, and doing too much exercise, and then not exercising and hating myself for not keeping up with the routine I set. So it’s nothing new, but I’m beginning to feel that at 37 I need to sort myself out before I head into middle age in trauma.

So that was a cheery introduction to my blog wasn’t it. Hopefully I’ll be able to share some insight about the issues I’m facing, which might help other people in the same position as me, especially with self-esteem issues around busy lives and trying to control everything in them.